Moliere Pretentious Ladies Part 2
SCENE XI.--CATHOS, MADELON, MASCARILLE, MAROTTE.
MAR. Madam, somebody asks to see you.
MAD. Who!
MAR. The Viscount de Jodelet.
MASC. The Viscount de Jodelet?
MAR. Yes, sir.
CAT. Do you know him?
MASC. He is my most intimate friend.
MAD. Shew him in immediately.
MASC. We have not seen each other for some time; I am delighted to meet him.
CAT. Here he comes.
SCENE XII.--CATHOS, MADELON, JODELET, MASCARILLE, MAROTTE, ALMANZOR.
MASC. Ah, Viscount!
JOD. Ah, Marquis! (_Embracing each other_).
MASC. How glad I am to meet you!
JOD. How happy I am to see you here.
MASC. Embrace me once more, I pray you.
MAD. (_To Cathos_). My dearest, we begin to be known; people of fashion find the way to our house.
MASC. Ladies, allow me to introduce this gentleman to you. Upon my word, he deserves the honour of your acquaintance.
JOD. It is but just we should come and pay you what we owe; your charms demand their lordly rights from all sorts of people.
MAD. You carry your civilities to the utmost confines of flattery.
CAT. This day ought to be marked in our diary as a red-letter day.
MAD. (_To Almanser_). Come, boy, must you always be told things over and over again? Do you not observe there must be an additional chair?
MASC. You must not be astonished to see the Viscount thus; he has but just recovered from an illness, which, as you perceive, has made him so pale.
[Footnote: Molière here alludes to the complexion of the actor
Geoffrin.]
JOD. The consequence of continual attendance at court and the fatigues of war.
MASC. Do you know, ladies, that in the Viscount you behold one of the heroes of the age. He is a very valiant man.
JOB. Marquis, you are not inferior to me; we also know what you can do.
MASC. It is true we have seen one another at work when there was need for it.
JOD. And in places where it was hot.
MASC. (_Looking at Cathos and Madelon_). Ay, but not so hot as here. Ha, ha, ha!
JOD. We became acquainted in the army; the first time we saw each other he commanded a regiment of horse aboard the galleys of Malta.
MASC. True, but for all that you were in the service before me; I remember that I was but a young officer when you commanded two thousand horse.
JOD. War is a fine thing; but, upon my word, the court does not properly reward men of merit like us.
MASC. That is the reason I intend to hang up my sword.
CAT. As for me, I have a tremendous liking for gentlemen of the army.
MAD. I love them, too; but I like bravery seasoned with wit.
MASC. Do you remember, Viscount, our taking that half-moon from the enemy at the siege of Arras?
JOD. What do you mean by a half-moon? It was a complete full moon.
MASC. I believe you are right.
JOD. Upon my word, I ought to remember it very well. I was wounded in the leg by a hand-grenade, of which I still carry the marks. Pray, feel it, you can perceive what sort of a wound it was.
CAT. (_Putting her hand to the place_). The scar is really large.
MASC. Give me your hand for a moment, and feel this; there, just at the back of my head. Do you feel it?
MAD. Ay, I feel something.
MASC. A musket shot which I received the last campaign I served in.
JOD. (_Unbuttoning his breast_). Here is a wound which went quite through me at the attack of Gravelines.
MASC. (_Putting his hand upon the button of his breeches_). I am going to show you a tremendous wound.
MAD. There is no occasion for it, we believe it without seeing it.
MASC They are honour's marks, that show what a man is made of.
CAT. We have not the least doubt of the valour of you both.
MASC. Viscount, is your coach in waiting?
JOD. Why?
MASC. We shall give these ladies an airing, and offer them a collation.
MAD. We cannot go out to-day.
MASC. Let us send for musicians then, and have a dance.
JOD. Upon my word, that is a happy thought.
MAD. With all our hearts, but we must have some additional company.
MASC. So ho! Champagne, Picard, Bourguignon, Cascaret, Basque, La Verdure, Lorrain, Provençal, La Violette. I wish the deuce took all these footmen! I do not think there is a gentleman in France worse served than I am! These rascals are always out of the way.
MAD. Almanzor, tell the servants of my lord marquis to go and fetch the musicians, and ask some of the gentlemen and ladies hereabouts to come and people the solitude of our ball. (_Exit Almanzor_).
MASC. Viscount, what do you say of those eyes?
JOD. Why, Marquess, what do you think of them yourself?
MASC. I? I say that our liberty will have much difficulty to get away from here scot free. At least mine has suffered most violent attacks; my heart hangs by a single thread.
MAD. How natural is all he says! he gives to things a most agreeable turn.
CAT. He must really spend a tremendous deal of wit.
MASC. To show you that I am in earnest, I shall make some extempore verses upon my passion. (_Seems to think_).
CAT. O! I beseech you by all that I hold sacred, let us hear something made upon us.
JOD. I should be glad to do so too, but the quantity of blood that has been taken from me lately, has greatly exhausted my poetic vein.
MASC. Deuce take it! I always make the first verse well, but I find the others more difficult. Upon my word, this is too short a time; but I will make you some extempore verses at my leisure, which you shall think the finest in the world.
JOD. He is devilish witty.
MAD. He--his wit is so gallant and well expressed.
MASC. Viscount, tell me, when did you see the Countess last?
JOD. I have not paid her a visit these three weeks.
MASC. Do you know that the duke came to see me this morning; he would fain have taken me into the country to hunt a stag with him?
MAD. Here come our friends.
SCENE XIII.--LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE, CATHOS, MADELON, MASCARILLE, JODELET,
MAROTTE, ALMANZOR, AND MUSICIANS.
MAD. Lawk! my dears, we beg your pardon. These gentlemen had a fancy to put life into our heels; we sent for you to fill up the void of our
assembly.
LUC. We are certainly much obliged to you for doing so.
MASC. This is a kind of extempore ball, ladies, but one of these days we shall give you one in form. Have the musicians come?
ALM. Yes, sir, they are here.
CAT. Come then, my dears, take your places.
MASC. (_Dancing by himself and singing_). La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
MAD. What a very elegant shape he has.
CAT. He looks as if he were a first-rate dancer.
MASC. (_Taking out Madelon to dance_). My freedom will dance a Couranto as well as my feet. Play in time, musicians, in time. O what ignorant wretches! There is no dancing with them. The devil take you all, can you not play in time? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la? Steady, you
country-scrapers!
JOD. (_Dancing also_). Hold, do not play so fast. I have but just recovered from an illness.
SCENE XIV.--Du CROISY, LA GRANGE, CATHOS, MADELON, LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE,
JODELET; MASCARILLE, MAROTTE, AND MUSICIANS.
LA GR. (_With a stick in his hand_). Ah! ah! scoundrels, what are you doing here? We have been looking for you these three hours. (_He beats Mascarille_).
MASC. Oh! oh! oh! you did not tell me that blows should be dealt about.
JOD. (_Who is also beaten_). Oh! oh! oh!
LA GR. It becomes you well, you rascal, to pretend to be a man of rank.
DU CR. This will teach you to know yourself.
SCENE XV.--CATHOS, MADELON, LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE, MASCARILLE, JODELET,
MAROTTE, AND MUSICIANS.
MAD. What is the meaning of this?
JOD. It is a wager.
CAT. What, allow yourselves to be beaten thus?
MASC. Good Heavens! I did not wish to appear to take any notice of it; because I am naturally very violent, and should have flown into a passion.
MAD. To suffer an insult like this in our presence!
MASC. It is nothing. Let us not leave off. We have known one another for a long time, and among friends one ought not to be so quickly offended for such a trifle.
SCENE XVI.--DU CROISY, LA GRANGE, MADELON, CATHOS, LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE,
MASCARILLE, JODELET, MAROTTE, AND MUSICIANS.
LA GR. Upon my word, rascals, you shall not laugh at us, I promise you. Come in, you there. (_Three or four men enter_).
MAD. What means this impudence to come and disturb us in our own house?
DU CR. What, ladies, shall we allow our footmen to be received better than ourselves? Shall they come to make love to you at our expense, and even give a ball in your honour?
MAD. Your footmen?
LA GR. Yes, our footmen; and you must give me leave to say that it is not acting either handsome or honest to spoil them for us, as you do.
MAD. O Heaven! what insolence!
LA GR. But they shall not have the advantage of our clothes to dazzle your eyes. Upon my word, if you are resolved to like them, it shall be for their handsome looks only. Quick, let them be stripped immediately.
JOD. Farewell, a long farewell to all our fine clothes.
MASC. The marquisate and viscountship are at an end.
DU. CR. Ah! ah! you knaves, you have the impudence to become our rivals. I assure you, you must go somewhere else to borrow finery to make yourselves agreeable to your mistresses.
LA GR. It is too much to supplant us, and that with our own clothes.
MASC. O fortune, how fickle you are!
DU CR. Quick, pull off everything from them.
LA GR. Make haste and take away all these clothes. Now, ladies, in their present condition you may continue your amours with them as long as you please; we leave you perfectly free; this gentleman and I declare solemnly that we shall not be in the least degree jealous.
SCENE XVII.--MADELON, CATHOS, JODELET, MASCARILLE, AND MUSICIANS.
CAT. What a confusion!
MAD. I am nearly bursting with vexation.
1 MUS. (_To Mascarille_). What is the meaning of this? Who is to pay us?
MASC. Ask my lord the viscount.
1 MUS. (_To Jodelet_). Who is to give us our money?
JOD. Ask my lord the marquis.
SCENE XVIII.--GORGIBUS, MADELON, CATHOS, JODELET, MASCARILLE, AND
MUSICIANS.
GORG. Ah! you hussies, you have put us in a nice pickle, by what I can see; I have heard about your fine goings on from those two gentlemen who just left.
MAD. Ah, father! they have played us a cruel trick.
GORG. Yes, it is a cruel trick, but you may thank your own impertinence for it, you jades. They have revenged themselves for the way you treated them; and yet, unhappy man that I am, I must put up with the affront.
MAD. Ah! I swear we will be revenged, or I shall die in the attempt. And you, rascals, dare you remain here after your insolence?
MASC. Do you treat a marquis in this manner? This is the way of the world; the least misfortune causes us to be slighted by those who before caressed us. Come along, brother, let us go and seek our fortune somewhere else; I perceive they love nothing here but outward show, and have no regard for worth unadorned. (_They both leave_).
SCENE XIX.--GORGIBUS, MADELON, CATHOS, AND MUSICIANS.
1 MUS. Sir, as they have not paid us, we expect you to do so, for it was in this house we played.
GORG. (_Beating them_). Yes, yes, I shall satisfy you; this is the coin I will pay you in. As for you, you sluts, I do not know why I should not serve you in the same way; we shall become the common talk and laughing-stock of everybody; this is what you have brought upon yourselves by your fooleries. Out of my sight and hide yourselves, you jades; go and hide yourselves forever.
{_Alone_). And you, that are the cause of their folly, you stupid trash, mischievous amusements for idle minds, you novels, verses, songs, sonnets, and sonatas, the devil take you all.
MAR. Madam, somebody asks to see you.
MAD. Who!
MAR. The Viscount de Jodelet.
MASC. The Viscount de Jodelet?
MAR. Yes, sir.
CAT. Do you know him?
MASC. He is my most intimate friend.
MAD. Shew him in immediately.
MASC. We have not seen each other for some time; I am delighted to meet him.
CAT. Here he comes.
SCENE XII.--CATHOS, MADELON, JODELET, MASCARILLE, MAROTTE, ALMANZOR.
MASC. Ah, Viscount!
JOD. Ah, Marquis! (_Embracing each other_).
MASC. How glad I am to meet you!
JOD. How happy I am to see you here.
MASC. Embrace me once more, I pray you.
MAD. (_To Cathos_). My dearest, we begin to be known; people of fashion find the way to our house.
MASC. Ladies, allow me to introduce this gentleman to you. Upon my word, he deserves the honour of your acquaintance.
JOD. It is but just we should come and pay you what we owe; your charms demand their lordly rights from all sorts of people.
MAD. You carry your civilities to the utmost confines of flattery.
CAT. This day ought to be marked in our diary as a red-letter day.
MAD. (_To Almanser_). Come, boy, must you always be told things over and over again? Do you not observe there must be an additional chair?
MASC. You must not be astonished to see the Viscount thus; he has but just recovered from an illness, which, as you perceive, has made him so pale.
[Footnote: Molière here alludes to the complexion of the actor
Geoffrin.]
JOD. The consequence of continual attendance at court and the fatigues of war.
MASC. Do you know, ladies, that in the Viscount you behold one of the heroes of the age. He is a very valiant man.
JOB. Marquis, you are not inferior to me; we also know what you can do.
MASC. It is true we have seen one another at work when there was need for it.
JOD. And in places where it was hot.
MASC. (_Looking at Cathos and Madelon_). Ay, but not so hot as here. Ha, ha, ha!
JOD. We became acquainted in the army; the first time we saw each other he commanded a regiment of horse aboard the galleys of Malta.
MASC. True, but for all that you were in the service before me; I remember that I was but a young officer when you commanded two thousand horse.
JOD. War is a fine thing; but, upon my word, the court does not properly reward men of merit like us.
MASC. That is the reason I intend to hang up my sword.
CAT. As for me, I have a tremendous liking for gentlemen of the army.
MAD. I love them, too; but I like bravery seasoned with wit.
MASC. Do you remember, Viscount, our taking that half-moon from the enemy at the siege of Arras?
JOD. What do you mean by a half-moon? It was a complete full moon.
MASC. I believe you are right.
JOD. Upon my word, I ought to remember it very well. I was wounded in the leg by a hand-grenade, of which I still carry the marks. Pray, feel it, you can perceive what sort of a wound it was.
CAT. (_Putting her hand to the place_). The scar is really large.
MASC. Give me your hand for a moment, and feel this; there, just at the back of my head. Do you feel it?
MAD. Ay, I feel something.
MASC. A musket shot which I received the last campaign I served in.
JOD. (_Unbuttoning his breast_). Here is a wound which went quite through me at the attack of Gravelines.
MASC. (_Putting his hand upon the button of his breeches_). I am going to show you a tremendous wound.
MAD. There is no occasion for it, we believe it without seeing it.
MASC They are honour's marks, that show what a man is made of.
CAT. We have not the least doubt of the valour of you both.
MASC. Viscount, is your coach in waiting?
JOD. Why?
MASC. We shall give these ladies an airing, and offer them a collation.
MAD. We cannot go out to-day.
MASC. Let us send for musicians then, and have a dance.
JOD. Upon my word, that is a happy thought.
MAD. With all our hearts, but we must have some additional company.
MASC. So ho! Champagne, Picard, Bourguignon, Cascaret, Basque, La Verdure, Lorrain, Provençal, La Violette. I wish the deuce took all these footmen! I do not think there is a gentleman in France worse served than I am! These rascals are always out of the way.
MAD. Almanzor, tell the servants of my lord marquis to go and fetch the musicians, and ask some of the gentlemen and ladies hereabouts to come and people the solitude of our ball. (_Exit Almanzor_).
MASC. Viscount, what do you say of those eyes?
JOD. Why, Marquess, what do you think of them yourself?
MASC. I? I say that our liberty will have much difficulty to get away from here scot free. At least mine has suffered most violent attacks; my heart hangs by a single thread.
MAD. How natural is all he says! he gives to things a most agreeable turn.
CAT. He must really spend a tremendous deal of wit.
MASC. To show you that I am in earnest, I shall make some extempore verses upon my passion. (_Seems to think_).
CAT. O! I beseech you by all that I hold sacred, let us hear something made upon us.
JOD. I should be glad to do so too, but the quantity of blood that has been taken from me lately, has greatly exhausted my poetic vein.
MASC. Deuce take it! I always make the first verse well, but I find the others more difficult. Upon my word, this is too short a time; but I will make you some extempore verses at my leisure, which you shall think the finest in the world.
JOD. He is devilish witty.
MAD. He--his wit is so gallant and well expressed.
MASC. Viscount, tell me, when did you see the Countess last?
JOD. I have not paid her a visit these three weeks.
MASC. Do you know that the duke came to see me this morning; he would fain have taken me into the country to hunt a stag with him?
MAD. Here come our friends.
SCENE XIII.--LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE, CATHOS, MADELON, MASCARILLE, JODELET,
MAROTTE, ALMANZOR, AND MUSICIANS.
MAD. Lawk! my dears, we beg your pardon. These gentlemen had a fancy to put life into our heels; we sent for you to fill up the void of our
assembly.
LUC. We are certainly much obliged to you for doing so.
MASC. This is a kind of extempore ball, ladies, but one of these days we shall give you one in form. Have the musicians come?
ALM. Yes, sir, they are here.
CAT. Come then, my dears, take your places.
MASC. (_Dancing by himself and singing_). La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
MAD. What a very elegant shape he has.
CAT. He looks as if he were a first-rate dancer.
MASC. (_Taking out Madelon to dance_). My freedom will dance a Couranto as well as my feet. Play in time, musicians, in time. O what ignorant wretches! There is no dancing with them. The devil take you all, can you not play in time? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la? Steady, you
country-scrapers!
JOD. (_Dancing also_). Hold, do not play so fast. I have but just recovered from an illness.
SCENE XIV.--Du CROISY, LA GRANGE, CATHOS, MADELON, LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE,
JODELET; MASCARILLE, MAROTTE, AND MUSICIANS.
LA GR. (_With a stick in his hand_). Ah! ah! scoundrels, what are you doing here? We have been looking for you these three hours. (_He beats Mascarille_).
MASC. Oh! oh! oh! you did not tell me that blows should be dealt about.
JOD. (_Who is also beaten_). Oh! oh! oh!
LA GR. It becomes you well, you rascal, to pretend to be a man of rank.
DU CR. This will teach you to know yourself.
SCENE XV.--CATHOS, MADELON, LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE, MASCARILLE, JODELET,
MAROTTE, AND MUSICIANS.
MAD. What is the meaning of this?
JOD. It is a wager.
CAT. What, allow yourselves to be beaten thus?
MASC. Good Heavens! I did not wish to appear to take any notice of it; because I am naturally very violent, and should have flown into a passion.
MAD. To suffer an insult like this in our presence!
MASC. It is nothing. Let us not leave off. We have known one another for a long time, and among friends one ought not to be so quickly offended for such a trifle.
SCENE XVI.--DU CROISY, LA GRANGE, MADELON, CATHOS, LUCILE, CÉLIMÈNE,
MASCARILLE, JODELET, MAROTTE, AND MUSICIANS.
LA GR. Upon my word, rascals, you shall not laugh at us, I promise you. Come in, you there. (_Three or four men enter_).
MAD. What means this impudence to come and disturb us in our own house?
DU CR. What, ladies, shall we allow our footmen to be received better than ourselves? Shall they come to make love to you at our expense, and even give a ball in your honour?
MAD. Your footmen?
LA GR. Yes, our footmen; and you must give me leave to say that it is not acting either handsome or honest to spoil them for us, as you do.
MAD. O Heaven! what insolence!
LA GR. But they shall not have the advantage of our clothes to dazzle your eyes. Upon my word, if you are resolved to like them, it shall be for their handsome looks only. Quick, let them be stripped immediately.
JOD. Farewell, a long farewell to all our fine clothes.
MASC. The marquisate and viscountship are at an end.
DU. CR. Ah! ah! you knaves, you have the impudence to become our rivals. I assure you, you must go somewhere else to borrow finery to make yourselves agreeable to your mistresses.
LA GR. It is too much to supplant us, and that with our own clothes.
MASC. O fortune, how fickle you are!
DU CR. Quick, pull off everything from them.
LA GR. Make haste and take away all these clothes. Now, ladies, in their present condition you may continue your amours with them as long as you please; we leave you perfectly free; this gentleman and I declare solemnly that we shall not be in the least degree jealous.
SCENE XVII.--MADELON, CATHOS, JODELET, MASCARILLE, AND MUSICIANS.
CAT. What a confusion!
MAD. I am nearly bursting with vexation.
1 MUS. (_To Mascarille_). What is the meaning of this? Who is to pay us?
MASC. Ask my lord the viscount.
1 MUS. (_To Jodelet_). Who is to give us our money?
JOD. Ask my lord the marquis.
SCENE XVIII.--GORGIBUS, MADELON, CATHOS, JODELET, MASCARILLE, AND
MUSICIANS.
GORG. Ah! you hussies, you have put us in a nice pickle, by what I can see; I have heard about your fine goings on from those two gentlemen who just left.
MAD. Ah, father! they have played us a cruel trick.
GORG. Yes, it is a cruel trick, but you may thank your own impertinence for it, you jades. They have revenged themselves for the way you treated them; and yet, unhappy man that I am, I must put up with the affront.
MAD. Ah! I swear we will be revenged, or I shall die in the attempt. And you, rascals, dare you remain here after your insolence?
MASC. Do you treat a marquis in this manner? This is the way of the world; the least misfortune causes us to be slighted by those who before caressed us. Come along, brother, let us go and seek our fortune somewhere else; I perceive they love nothing here but outward show, and have no regard for worth unadorned. (_They both leave_).
SCENE XIX.--GORGIBUS, MADELON, CATHOS, AND MUSICIANS.
1 MUS. Sir, as they have not paid us, we expect you to do so, for it was in this house we played.
GORG. (_Beating them_). Yes, yes, I shall satisfy you; this is the coin I will pay you in. As for you, you sluts, I do not know why I should not serve you in the same way; we shall become the common talk and laughing-stock of everybody; this is what you have brought upon yourselves by your fooleries. Out of my sight and hide yourselves, you jades; go and hide yourselves forever.
{_Alone_). And you, that are the cause of their folly, you stupid trash, mischievous amusements for idle minds, you novels, verses, songs, sonnets, and sonatas, the devil take you all.